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7 Funny Wedding One-Liners

By: Wendy Wilkes Toasts are usually given at the wedding reception. There are many kinds of toasts. There are toasts from the groom to the bride, from the bride to the groom. From the best man to the groom, from the groom to the best man, from the maid of honor to the bride, from the father to the bride, and so on. Toasts are fun. They're the best part of the wedding for some people.

But when YOU are the one slated to give a toast, that can make for a week's worth of nerves. Should it be short or long? Should it be funny or solemn? Should you talk about just one of the parties, or both? How do you start? How do you finish? And so on.

You might need to do a longer toast than what you'll find here, but here are some great one-liners, just to get you started.

1. Marrying is all about just obtaining a piece of paper. Divorcing is just obtaining another ~Celeste Tan

2. Getting married for sex is like buying a meal for the free mint.

3. I haven't spoken to my wife for 2 days -- she doesn't like me to interrupt her.

4. What would it be like to live in a world without men? There'd be no crime, and a lot of happy fat women.

5. A husband's last words should always be: "OK, buy it."

6. Marriage is like a phone call when you've been sleeping. First there's the ring. And then you wake up. -Evelyn Hendrickson

7. There are three rings to marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.

Good luck with your wedding toast. We hope we took the edge off, and put a smile on your face.