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Can You be Friends If They Think You Are Faking Your Illness?

By: Lisa Copen Living with a chronic illness that has no visual signs can be more of an emotional struggle than a physical struggle at times. Accepting one's own illness is a step that most people come to terms with it at some point; because, in order to have the best life one can, one needs to be educated on the disease and treat it to the best of his or her ability.

Making those we care about accept it, or even acknowledge it, is out of our control. The skepticism of others about our illness may last a lifetime and cause deep wounds; our relationships and even our own self-worth suffer.

So, what you do when someone important in your life refuses to acknowledge the seriousness of your disease, or accept that the disease even exists? Here are four steps to change your actions and attitudes:

1. Go with it. Don't take yourself and your predicament too seriously when you're around the person. Understand that there is no magical discussion you can have that will make him change his mind. The odds are, the only way he will change his mind is by simply observing you and noticing your invisible illness as it begins to show some visible side effects. Your limitations, such as walking a long-distance, may become obvious without you having to explain it.

2. Grow with it. This situation can be a perfect time to reflect on your own perceptions of people. Have you ever stood in line at the bank and thought yourself, "No one here understands how difficult it is to just stand in this slow line!" But nearly 1 in two people in the USA have a chronic illness, so the chances are high that someone standing beside you does understand. Remember that 96% of illnesses are invisible, so watch your assumptions. What situations are your friends going through that you don't fully grasp? The affair of a spouse, a baby born with a disability, and the loss of a job, are all experiences that can alter one's life in an instant. Chances are that your friends can use your support and even empathy.

3. Get over it. Don't obsess over the fact that no one knows what your daily life is like. We would all like those closest to us to be able to slip inside are skin for just twenty-four hours, but that level of understanding will never occur. Don't allow your resentment of this fact taint your relationships. And don't take it personally, despite how personal it feels. It is not your job to change someone's mind. You only have control over your own behavior so make sure you can be proud of how you handle the conversations.

4. Get on with it. Life is precious and short and no material things in your life can replace friends and family. It is true that the intimacy level in your relationship will not ever be high if your illness is not at least believed to exist. But if you still want a relationship, and it's a healthy one in other ways, it can happen.

The odds are that in time your friend will eventually have his own health crisis, and have some level of understanding about what you have faced on a daily basis. He may even turn to you for advice. Be supportive and encouraging. Don't say "I told you so."

Go with it. Grow with it. Get over it. Get on with it.

Relationships with those who don't understand the seriousness of your illness can exist. Be positive, accepting him for what he's able to give to the relationship, and have reasonable expectations. Someday, this may prove to be one of your most special friendships.

Article Source: http://www.lifeweightloss.com

Get a free list of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from "Beyond Casseroles" by Lisa Copen, just subscribe to HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa founded of Invisible Illness Week

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