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How to Avoid the Toddler Teffible Two's

By: Dr. Noel Swanson A toddler of two can be adorable and exasperating a thousand times in a single day. So, is there a way to make this phase of your child less taxing on your nerves?

First of all, don't be fooled by them! Just because they are little, just because they don't talk well, and haven't been around too long, doesn't meant they don't know exactly how to manipulate you to get what they want! Just like anyone else, whatever the age, they will do their best to get the things that they want. And if throwing a temper tantrum or whining, or any other such behavior works to get you to see things their way, then of course they will do it!

So, the best way to deal with them is to play the game by their rules: Treat them as you would treat an older child. Here are the basics:

A. First, be very clear about what behaviors you will accept and what you won’t. Avoid the non-essentials and focus on the important issues.

B. Secondly, avoid ambiguity. Give clear instructions in plain words. Don’t insinuate or taunt. Your child will most likely not understand what you mean. Make your point and leave it at that; don’t rub it in.

C. If you have spelt out the consequences of not complying with your instruction, carry it out otherwise the meaning of your words will be lost.

D. Another very effective way of getting across something to your two-year-old darling is to use what I call a ‘manners chair’. This is how it works:

Place a small child's chair in a corner, facing into the room. Tell your child it is the ‘manners chair’ to teach manners when the child behaves badly. Whenever your child fails to do as told, just send him to the chair with words to the effect of: "Oh dear, you seem to have lost your good manners again. You had better go and sit in the chair until you find them again."

After some time when the child has ‘found his manners’, allow him to come off the chair. Till then, simply ignore him, especially if he is fussing or whining. Make sure you explain what he has done wrong so that he knows what to correct.

It is important to keep this little exercise lighthearted lest it weighs heavy on the child’s mind. Try finding their manners for them, for instance. Look for them everywhere and make it into a game. This will prevent any further tantrums and help develop a more positive attitude. It’s good for your nerves too.

Once they have found their manners, you can then tell them to do what they were originally supposed to do, or perhaps they need to apologize (eg to their sister for thumping her!).

The ‘manners chair’ is a positive way of telling your child what is expected of him. More often than not, children disobey instructions when they are not clearly given. Remember, manners are not taught in a day. You have to keep repeating and reinforcing them with awards and punishments. This is a fun way of doing it.

There is a danger that this in itself can become too much of a game for them since they get a lot of attention from you when you are helping them to find their manners. You will need to strike the right balance between "time-out" ie ignoring them, and a bit of assistance (since they are young, and this is all new to them).

This helps you remain calm and have a positive attitude. Let your child know you love him but you will not tolerate bad manners. Also, don’t rub it in; tell him you think it was a mistake, and will be corrected. There should be no permanent scars of it.

If your tiny toddler throws a tantrum in public, what will you do? Obviously, you can’t carry the manners chair everywhere. And, you don’t have to, if you remember the basic rule of saying what you mean and meaning what you say, and follow up with action.

You can use one of these three options in public: 1. Take your child in a corner and do a kind of "manners chair" by saying that all activity will be suspended until he has found his manners.

2. Take him out and do the ‘manners chair’ in the car. You can stay out and look away while he tries to find his manners. Don’t shout and scream and don’t lose patience. Above all, don’t get into a discussion till the manners have been found.

3. If none of this works cancel the outing and go home and do the manners chair at home.

Let me assure you that you will not have to do this many times. If you mean business, they will not disobey you. But, if you are not clear, they will go on trying to see how far they can go. For further information read my book. Here is the link:

All this is based on the foundational principles in my book, which can help you handle your toddler positively and pleasantly and save you the guilt of losing it once again.

Article Source: http://www.lifeweightloss.com

Dr. Noel Swanson offers free expert parenting tips & advice on his website - you will also find a free chapter to his highly acclaimed book, the GOOD CHILD Guide. You can also meet with other parents on a parenting forum.
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