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My Child Won't Go to Bed!

By: Dr. Noel Swanson You have spent all day looking after the children - feeding them, washing clothes, picking up after their mess, listening to their whining and temper tantrums, managing their various behavior problems - now the day is over, don't you deserve a bit of peace and quiet and some quality time with your partner? All you ask is that they go up to their room, go to bed, and STAY there!

One out of three children just refuses to go to bed before their parents!

If you are one of the parents of such children for whom getting your child to go to bed is an arduous task, here are some tips that can help:

First, you need to establish how much sleep they actually need. Most children under 12 need about 10 to 12 hours sleep (the younger they are, the more they need). However, some kids just seem to need very little. If that is the case with yours, ie, they genuinely function well on, say, 6 or 8 hours sleep, there is just no point fighting with them to go to bed 4 hours before they need to - all that will happen is they get up four hours earlier and wake you up then, instead!

After you have established a reasonable bedtime, you should stick to it. Kids take advantage of any weakness. They will not miss a chance to manipulate you into giving them an extra hour. They have a fertile imagination and will concoct any and every tactic to wrangle that from you. They will ask for a drink or a question, or they will say they are scared or need to pee, anything! Some of them are so good at it that they might make you feel sorry for them so that you allow them to stay up later or sleep in your bed. Don't give in.

If you have set the rules clearly, make sure you adhere to them. Establish a bedtime routine. It’s more important for the younger ones. You will need to start much before the target bedtime and lead them through changing clothes, doing teeth and bathroom, reading a story and so on. It pays to give them your full attention during this routine.

Then, when it comes to lights out, be firm and calm. Make it clear that you expect them to stay in bed. Leave the door open or a night-light on if they need that. You could also put on some gentle, soothing music if they respond well to that.

Now it is crunch time. What do you do if they then get out of bed, or call for your attention? The trick here is to reassure them if they genuinely need that, without giving them so much attention that it reinforces their getting-out-of-bed behavior.

You could use a timer and tell your child that you will be up to check on them after five or ten minutes only if he stays in bed. Start with five minutes and gradually increase to ten minutes. Make sure you go up to check on him and praise him for staying in bed quietly. But don't linger on. Just tuck him up quietly, give a kiss, and leave.

If necessary you can repeat this procedure, at gradually lengthening intervals, until they are asleep. Yes, it sounds like lot of work at first, but do this consistently and they will learn to stay in bed for longer and longer periods of time. Eventually they will learn to fall asleep before you next come to check on them.

Don’t forget the golden rule of positive reinforcement. Keep praising your child for staying quietly in bed. And, don’t fail to check up on them at the exact time you said you would. You could do with a timer as a reminder.

If they get up before your next check, do the following:

First, be firm and send him back to bed. Don't get flustered and don’t shout; just make it clear that you are serious. Then remind him that you will be up to tuck him in again, but after the ten minutes which will start now. Having done that, just ignore him until the time for your next check.

Remember to reward your child for staying nicely in bed. Make a star chart or something similar to encourage him.

Article Source: http://www.lifeweightloss.com

Dr. Noel Swanson offers free expert parenting help on his website - you will also find a free chapter to his highly acclaimed book, the GOOD CHILD Guide. You can also meet with other parents on a parenting forum.
This and other unique content parenting articles are available with free reprint rights.

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